Entries like the one that's about to follow should (heavens, I hope, anyway) as a warning against putting all of one's eggs in a single basket. Yeah, I've pretty much screwed myself over, I think, and all because I pinned a few too many hopes onto a pretty far-off goal.
So, just about everyone else that I know is currently entertaining, accepting, or has accepted an offer, if not multiple offers. And I, I sit here about ready to cry because the only company that had actually bothered to interview me and take me on-site and court me a little more insistently, well. They just emailed me today to say NO. And yes, this is upsetting, because yes, the company would have been so cool to work for, and just. Yes.
But I find myself hitting the wire. It's almost Christmas and without an offer in hand to take to my family, I don't know what I am supposed to do. I feel like (however irrational this feeling may be) that if I don't have an offer by the time my Fall finals are over, well. I should probably just give up.
I'm going to be more honest here than I think I've been even in my personal journal: I'm scared. I'm scared spitless and witless and a lot of other words that end in -less. I don't know what I'll do if, when push comes to shove, I find myself unemployed and out in the cold, proverbially.
If I could go back, there's so much I would change.